Sara Pastoor asked 3 years ago If a single parent (mother) is raising a child on her own and working full time, how can they (she) give the child an Islamic education?
Anis Staff answered 3 years ago Single mothers raising children
The below response is based on a question and answer taken from Various Jurisprudential questions (vol. 3) and it gives some food for thought on how to best parent a child. It is clear that God expect both parents to be active participants in the upbringing of a child. We hope it is of help to single mothers, also.
The key points made are:
(1) Parents should try to accommodate their children’s needs, be they psychological, physical, religious or otherwise.
(2) If their time is limited due to work commitments, they can consider putting their child in the care of someone whose religious views they trust and who they trust will treat them like one of their own.
(3) Nurseries are also a good option, as long as they adopts the approach of Muhammad and his pious progeny, peace be upon them.
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The following is a translation of the original Arabic, followed by the Arabic itself.
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Bringing up a child correctly is an obligation to be borne by the parents. With regards to playing, watching television, or even accessing the Internet, computer games and the like, parents must monitor their children and prevent them from matters that could corrupt. For example: if a child accesses the internet to play something, his surfing activities must be supervised by his parents, but it is not permissible to stop them from playing or living out their childhood, since that will affect them when they get older.
Additionally, some games are educational, hence, the child can be directed towards and encouraged to play games that are beneficial, for example: they can be encouraged to play games that involve designing things, or games that involve solving engineering puzzles or such similar games.
Many children have the ability to do this, and as a result, this will lead to the development of their mental abilities in a big way. Just as they (games) can lead to an adolescent getting distracted by occupying them with other corrupt matters, they can also teach a child or adolescent to research, so they can learn and develop their abilities.
So, the parents can assign them the task of researching specific scholarly topics, or those which relate to their daily lives, or even historical ones. As for religious matters: do not burden them with anything more than congregational prayers with their parents, for example, then gradually encourage them to pray two units of salaat on their own and then to pray for a specific need, so that if they find their need is fulfilled, his bond with God will be strengthened, and their faith will be strengthened in their heart.
Remind them of God in all matters, when they fight amongst themselves, say to one of them, for example, “Forgive your brother or sister, and God will make you like the Prophets (may God’s blessings be upon them)”. In this way you will bring good morals to life in their hearts, and encourage them to seek perfection.
If one of them does something good, such as they pray two units of salaat or anything else in obedience to God, then congratulate them and say something good to him as well as something like, “God will give you and will bless you and will remember you before his angels.”
You can also make a daily program for them, for example, for an hour or half an hour, so that they memorize some of the short chapters of the Qur’an by you reading and them following you. Day by day they will memorize the chapters.
With regards children over ten years: try to organise their week, for example three or four days a week, prevent them from playing any games, even if they are permitted to access the internet, or be preoccupied with matters other than their studies, they should be for scholarly matters, or historic matters, or reading a book, or reading matters that relate to their studies, or reading stories about the Prophets and the Imams (peace be upon them) and such like. Thus, by caring and organizing their time, there will be a good result from them. With regards neglecting (children), they may deviate and you might lose them, and then your loss would be great. Unfortunately, many Arab fathers who emigrated far from Arab countries, damage their children by neglecting to teach their children Arabic, as well as reading and writing, whilst both parents have an hour spare each day to teach their children the Arabic language, which they would need to study their religion and have detailed awareness of it.
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(التربية الصحيحة واجب يتحمّل أداءه الوالدان، وبالنسبة للعب أو مشاهدة التلفزيون أو حتى دخول الانترنت وألعاب الكمبيوتر وما شابه فيجب على الوالدين مراقبة أبنائهم ومنعهم عن الأُمور المفسدة، فمثلاً: إذا كان الطفل يدخل الانترنت ليلعب فيجب أن يكون دخوله تحت نظر والديه، ولكن لا يجوز منعهم عن اللعب أو ممارسة طفولتهم؛ لأن هذا سيؤثر عليهم إن كبروا.
إضافة أنّ بعض الألعاب تعليمية، فيمكن توجيه الطفل وتشجيعه على ألعاب مفيدة، مثلاً: يمكن تشجيعه ليمارس ألعاب تصاميم أو ألعاب حل ألغاز هندسية أو ما شابه، وكثير من الأطفال لديهم قدرة على هذا، وهو يؤدي بالنتيجة إلى تطوير قدراتهم العقلية بشكل كبير، كما أنها يمكن أن تكون بالنسبة للمراهقين وسيلة لشغلهم عن التفكير في أُمور أُخرى مفسدة. أيضاً: يمكن تعليم الطفل أو المراهق البحث ليتعلّم ويطوّر قدراته، فيمكن أن يكلّفه الوالدان بالبحث عن مواضيع معيّنة علمية أو تتعلّق بحياتهم اليومية أو تاريخية، أما الأُمور الدينية فالطفل لا تحمّلوه أكثر من صلاة الجماعة مع والديه مثلاً، وشيئاً فشيئاً شجّعوه على أن يصلي ركعتين لوحده ويدعو فيها بقضاء حاجة معينة، فهو إذا لمس قضاء حاجته سيتعزّز ارتباطه بالله، وسيترسخ الإيمان في قلبه شيئاً فشيئاً. ذكّروهم بالله في كلِّ شيء، عندما يتعاركون بينهم قولوا لأحدهم مثلاً: سامح أخاك أو أختك وسيجعلك الله كالأنبياء صلوات الله عليهم، وبهذا تحيون في أنفسهم الأخلاق الطيبة، وفي نفس الوقت طلب الكمال. إذا أحسن أحدهم مثلاً وصلّى ركعتين أو عمل طاعة باركوه وقولوا له حُسناً، وإنّ الله سيعطيك ويبارك بك ويذكرك أمام ملائكته.
أيضاً: يمكن أن تعملوا لهم برنامجاً يومياً مثلاً ساعة أو نصف ساعة لتحفيظهم بعض سور القرآن القصيرة بأن تقرأون ويردّدون خلفكم، ويوماً بعد يوم سيحفظون السور. الأطفال فوق العشر سنوات حاولوا ترتيب أُسبوعهم، مثلاً أربعة أو ثلاثة أيام لا يسمح فيها باللعب، وإنما حتى لو سمح لهم بدخول الانترنت أو الانشغال بأُمور أُخرى غير دراستهم فتكون للبحث عن أُمور علمية، أو تاريخية، أو قراءة كتاب، أو قراءة أُمور تخصّ دراستهم، أو قراءة قصص تخص الأنبياء والأئمة (عليهم السلام) وما شابه. وهكذا بالاهتمام وتنظيم وقتهم تكون هناك نتيجة طيبة منهم، أما بالإهمال فربما ينحرفون وتخسرونهم وعندها ستكون خسارتكم كبيرة وللأسف كثير من الآباء العرب المغتربين بعيدا عن الدول العربية يسيئون لأبنائهم عندما يهملون تعليمهم اللغة العربية والقراءة والكتابة بينما يمكن أن يوفر الولدان ساعة من وقتهما يوميا لتعليم أبنائهم اللغة والاطلاع عليه بالتفصيل) الأجوبة الفقهية ج3
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